


I never planned on losing you

by Glas_Mor



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, First Kiss, Fix-It, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, alternative ending, but I'm glad, in another life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25999444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glas_Mor/pseuds/Glas_Mor
Summary: Akaashi couldn't live without Bokuto. He didn't want to. But he had to keep going... he was doing his best...Until life had other plans for him.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 154





	I never planned on losing you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleLuxray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLuxray/gifts).
  * Inspired by [In Another Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096105) by [LittleLuxray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLuxray/pseuds/LittleLuxray). 



> Hi everyone!! This is my first story! I desperately wanted to write an alternative ending after reading "In Another Life" by LittleLuxary. If you haven't read their fic yet then PLEASE go give it a read (if you don't mind being heartbroken). It's impacted the Haikyuu fandom massively and it deserves so much love and attention.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

“I should have told you what you meant to me, Koutarou…” Akaashi whispered into the darkness.

The comforter felt too warm and heavy across his shoulders, but he knew if he pushed it off he would be too cold. Being too warm was less terrible, he supposed. _And I’m less likely to wish for a warm pair of arms…_

It had been three days since Bokuto died. And the same dream – the same three words – repeated over and over in his head every waking second.

 _In another life._ That’s what Bokuto had said, right?

He hoped Bokuto was happy and healthy in whatever life he was living now. Even if it was without him, he deserved that more than anyone Akaashi had ever known.

He closed his eyelids, feeling sluggish with tiredness and heartbreak, but knew if he let himself settle too much, the dream would return. After he’d woken up sobbing and screaming into his pillow on the night Bokuto died, remembering seeing him by his side looking healthy and whole, he’d been unable to face the thought of sleeping again.

Was this how Bokuto had felt?

No… it had been much worse for him.

He felt a sudden rush of pride for the way Bokuto had smiled until the very end. He was strong. Much stronger than him. The memory of his beaming smiles and laughs were enough to make Akaashi smile shakily into the pillow.

The warm feeling was not lost on him, no matter how much Akaashi tried to push it away. He wished he could protect his already shattered heart from even more damage, but it was impossible to deny the way his chest filled with butterflies.

He loved Bokuto more than anything in the world.

Even more than himself.

The scarf he’d given to Bokuto lay clutched in his arms. It had long since lost the familiar, hospital-like smell, but if Akaashi concentrated hard enough he could imagine it. The smell of him. Of home.

“I promise I’ll keep going.” He said soundlessly, forcing himself to relax, finally letting sleep take him.

**New Text: From Kuroo**

_Hey Akaashi! I know it’s early. Sorry. I was wondering if you wanted to come over today? Kenma is worried about you. Oh – sorry – Kenma said he just wants to see you. So, yeah, feel free to come over whenever. We’re just playing video games and eating snacks. See ya!_

Akaashi rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he read the message. He felt a twinge of amusement at Kenma’s interruption, imagining him reading over Kuroo’s shoulder as he played on his Nintendo.

Akaashi was glad he’d met them. It didn’t dull the pain of losing Bokuto, in fact it just reminded him of it, but it was… nice to know that he had friends who worried about him. They didn’t need to be, but since his parents had no idea about Bokuto it felt good to be able to share the grief with other people.

He groggily got dressed in some comfy clothes, wrapping the burgundy scarf around his neck, not bothering with breakfast. If he got hungry later he’d just raid their fridge.

It was warm outside but Akaashi barely felt it. It’d been like that ever since. He wondered if he’d ever be able to feel the sunshine again. Part of him hoped he wouldn’t,

He could have taken the bus to Kuroo and Kenma’s place, however, for some reason Akaashi decided he’d rather walk. Maybe the exercise would do him some good. Or maybe he just wanted some extra time to himself. Whatever the reason, he decided it wasn’t important.

**To: Kuroo**

_I’m coming over now. I’m walking so I might be a while._

**From: Kuroo**

_Great! Take your time! See you soon._

Smiling minutely to himself, Akaashi pocketed his phone and looked to the road, watching the cars passing by. He imagined another presence walking beside him. They would probably be chatting loudly and obnoxiously about something random, pausing occasionally to laugh or smile in Akaashi’s direction… maybe they were even holding his hand.

 _No,_ Akaashi thought harshly. He couldn’t let his mind think those things. It wouldn’t do him any good. But it was hard. He wanted so badly to imagine Bokuto by his side. He wished with all his soul that it was true.

He stood by the crossing, waiting for the pedestrian lights to turn green. Yawning, Akaashi wondered what game Kenma was playing today. Briefly, he thought about the games Bokuto might have liked. A sharp pain hit his gut when he remembered he never had the chance to ask.

Lost in this thought, Akaashi barely noticed a small white blur shoot across the road, stopping dangerously in the middle. Squinting, Akaashi realised with horror that it was a tiny white kitten. It sat on its haunches, reaching up to playfully bat at a butterfly in the air. He frantically looked at the lights, willing them with all his might to turn green. But they remained red. And a low rumbling in the distance was growing louder.

“Shoo! Get out of the road!” He yelled, but the oblivious kitten ignored him, continuing to happily play with the butterfly above its head.

 _Oh god_ … what should he do?

A lorry had appeared from around the corner of the junction, heading towards their part of the road. _The driver is too high up_ … Akaashi thought with dread. _He won’t see the kitten._

Without really thinking, Akaashi felt his body move against his will. He sprinted into the road and scooped up the tiny white kitten with his left hand, feeling his balance slip from the sudden bout of adrenaline. The lorry was looming closer, only meters away, but his mind was a hazy fog.

Akaashi did the only thing he could think to do and threw the tiny body into the air, aiming for the patch of grass on the other side of the road. Seconds after he saw the kitten wriggle to its feet, watching him with irritation, he felt a dreadful impact strike his body, sending him flying. He barely registered hitting the ground afterwards. He could still be floating for all he knew.

After what felt like years, instead of mere seconds, he felt his world gradually grow dark. The last image reflecting inside his mind…the white kitten… slowly morphed into silver hair and amber eyes…

“Oh my god! I’m sorry!! You came outta nowhere! An ambulance, I need to call an ambulance–”

…. _Bokuto?_

When Akaashi finally opened his eyes, he was greeted by a blinding white light. It was everywhere, unrelentingly bright in each direction. Groaning, he turned to his head to the side, covering his eyes with an arm.

“Akaashi?” Said a quiet, shocked voice.

_What?!_

Akaashi’s eyes shot open.

Leaning over him was Bokuto, peering at him with a scared, confused expression. But Akaashi didn’t notice that.

Bokuto looked _healthy._

His eyes weren’t sunken and covered in terrible dark bags. His skin wasn’t pale and sickly-looking. His hair didn’t hang in messy curls – it was sleek and strong, back again to the style he’d seen him with the very first day they met. He looked like an owl again. The thought caused a laugh to escape Akaashi’s mouth – a deep, haughty noise that sounded a bit insane to his ears.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto repeated, this time looking very upset.

“Bokuto…” Akaashi replied hoarsely.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Akaashi!” Bokuto whined, utterly distraught.

“I… it wasn’t my fault. But maybe- maybe it was?” He tried to think back to his last few moments. It all happened so fast that he found it hard to remember.

Akaashi felt a hand touch his head, threading gentle fingers through his hair. _Bokuto_ … he didn’t know what was happening but his heart was clenching painfully with joy. Unable to wait much longer, he sat up and launched himself into Bokuto’s chest, crashing them together in a wonderful, _wonderful_ hug.

“I saved a cat.” He admitted into Bokuto’s shoulder, his words muffled by the fabric.

“So you didn’t…”

“God no. I– ” Akaashi stumbled over his words, his face scrunching in pain. “I thought about it. But I couldn’t… it would be too disrespectful to take my own life after you fought so hard for yours.” He concluded.

“I know. I’m glad. I mean, I’m not! You had your whole life ahead of you! I was going to wait!” Bokuto rambled, holding onto him. “But I’m so happy to see you, Akaashi!!”

They clutched onto one another, both refusing to be the first to let go.

“You were going to ‘wait’ for me? Are we… is this…”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Bokuto said. “When I first woke up I felt a strange need to walk away, into the light. Buuut there was no way I was moving on without my best friend.” He paused. “Akaashi, I would wait a million years for you. For us.” Bokuto declared.

Akaashi’s heart was overflowing with emotion. He reached a hand to cup Bokuto’s face, who leaned into the touch.

“I love you, Bokuto.” Akaashi whispered. Bokuto’s eyes widened. He covered Akaashi’s hand with his own and stared at him with an expression that Akaashi knew mirrored his own.

“Say my name.” Bokuto whispered back.

“I-I love you, Koutarou.”

“I love you too, Keiji!”

Akaashi shakily leaned forward to wrap his arms around Bokuto’s shoulders, overjoyed that he smelt the same as before, of home, of _them._

“I never want to lose you again.” He sighed. “It was.. it was horrible. The first night. No. When I woke up next to you– ”

“Don’t.” Bokuto hugged him tighter, almost crushing him. It wasn’t lost on Akaashi the difference in his strength. He revelled in it. “From the start I never planned on losing you, even though I knew I would. I'm sorry. But it’s just us now. Nothing will ever tear us apart again.” He vowed seriously.

“I believe you.” Akaashi mumbled.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from Bokuto’s warmth and sat back, looking him in the eyes, so close that their breathes mixed in the small space between them. “So, what now?” He asked.

Bokuto made a low, unhappy noise and pulled Akaashi into his chest again.

“When I said nothing will ever tear us apart again, I meant it.” He growled into Akaashi’s ear.

Akaashi shivered and bit back another crazy, uncharacteristic laugh.

_He was home…_

“Seriously, what do we do now? To… move on?”

“Aaah. I guess we just walk?” Bokuto suggested.

“Okay then.”

Akaashi stood up, still a bit disorientated by the endless expanse of white surrounding them. He held out a hand for Bokuto, who took it gratefully, hoisting him to his feet. Bokuto didn’t let go of his hand afterwards, and it filled Akaashi with so much happiness that it quite literally began to overflow from his body in the form of flooding tears.

“Hey, hey, hey! No crying or I’ll start crying too!” Bokuto chastised, reaching over to wipe the tears from his face.

“Sorry, Koutarou.” He said, smiling happily.

Bokuto froze, suddenly stopping. On his face was a strange expression, a mix between contemplation and determination.

“Koutarou…?”

“Keiji, I don’t know what’s going to happen when we keep walking.” He said seriously. “What if we lose our memories? What if we have to start all over again? I… there’s something I want to do before that. Just in case.”

“We don’t know that.” Akaashi argued, albeit weakly. He understood where Bokuto was coming from. They had no idea what awaited them beyond the blinding white light. Would they simply carry on from where they left off or wake up in a crib as new-borns? Would they even still be in Japan? The thought of being separated again made him want to curl up in a ball and scream.

“Exactly. We don’t know anything. So…” Without another word, Bokuto pulled Akaashi to face him properly, gently placing two hands on either side of his face. Akaashi’s heartbeat increased rapidly, threatening to burst from his chest.

He followed Bokuto’s gaze and realised he was staring intently at his lips and couldn’t help but blush.

“Koutarou…”

Bokuto finally closed the distance between them and planted his lips firmly on Akaashi’s. The kiss was warm and full so many unspoken feelings that Akaashi had no name for yet. _But we will speak about them. Eventually._

He placed his own hands in Bokuto’s hair, deepening their kiss and sighing in pure contentment. Their mouths moved slowly together, each taking their time to taste the other, losing themselves in each other’s presence.

After a few, blissful moments they finally pulled apart, grinning hopelessly at each other. Akaashi decided could have stayed here, in this strange place, forever.

_He was home. In another life._

“Let’s go, Keiji.” Bokuto said, taking his hand once more. Akaashi nodded, and together they disappeared into the beautiful luminance.

THE END.


End file.
